I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
