He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize