i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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