Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
