he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
