oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let's get the cat blown out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
