I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Bring me that man meat
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
