Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
