my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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