Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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