Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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