U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
