4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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