Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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