note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
