hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
