Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
