Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
