My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
