Already got asked if we're dating
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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