I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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