I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry about my life...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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