Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
