Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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