i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He shit in the fireplace
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
