we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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