Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
