so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
