Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
