Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
