You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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