i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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