no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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