At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't turn off my feet"
They have beer where we have blood.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
