This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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