he thought i was a dude.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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