U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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