I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
