Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize