got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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