Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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