when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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