every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize