you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize