When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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