I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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