don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
