you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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