I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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