dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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