Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Randomize
