I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize