if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
