Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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