yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
