honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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