Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
