I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
