The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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