He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize