one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
