Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
