I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
