love makes seman taste better
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
