Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
