You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
