Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
