i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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