And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize