im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
