So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
