it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
be right there i have to get my cape
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
