Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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