Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
