i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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