even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
