the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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