Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
