Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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