Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Too much gin, very little bucket
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
