i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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