mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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