I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
