Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
