and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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