I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
