i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
