..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bring me that man meat
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
