If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
