There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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