we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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