i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
