Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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