his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
