every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
