what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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