I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There r osticjed everywhere
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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