I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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